All in one Jokes

Love Jokes :

John invited his mother over for dinner. During the meal, his mother couldn’t help noticing how beautiful John’s roommate was.

She had long been suspicious of a relationship between John and his roommate and this only made her more curious. Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between John and the roommate than met the eye.

Reading his mom’s thoughts,

John volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Julie and I are just roommates."

About a week later, Julie came to John and said, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I’ve been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle.You don’t suppose she took it, do you?"

Julie said, "Well, I doubt it, but I’ll write her a letter just to be sure."

So he sat down and wrote: "Dear Mother, I’m not saying you ’did’ take a gravy ladle from my house, and I’m not saying you ’did not’ take a gravy ladle.But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner."

Several days later, John received a letter from his mother which read: "Dear Son, I’m not saying that you ’do’ sleep with Julie, and I’m not saying that you ’do not’ sleep with Julie. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now. Love, Mom"

Drug addicts

Two Teenage boys were picked up for doing drugs. When they went to court the judge said that he would like to give them a second chance if they could work in the community and convince young people not to do drugs they would avoid jail time. 

The two boys went to the community and did their work and returned to court the following month. The judge asked the first boy how he did and he told the judge that he convinced 30 people not to do drugs. 

The judge said, "That was great how did you do that?" 

The Boy told him, "I used a diagram, your honor. I drew two circles like this: O o and told them this (the big circle) is your brain before drugs and this (small circle) is your brain after drugs." 

"That's admirable," said the judge. "And you, how did you do?" (to the 2nd boy) 

"Well, your honor, I persuaded 156 people to give up drugs forever." 

"156 people! That's amazing! How did you manage to do that!" 

"Well, I used the same two circles. I pointed to the small circle and told them, 'This is your asshole before prison.'" 

Rehab jokes :

A joke about rehab. I can neither confirm nor deny weather or not I was in rehab when this was said. Please note that they offered me drugs to help me sleep on my first night there for an unnecissary weekend stay - typical navy care.